he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
