fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
