i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
