my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
