One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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