get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
