I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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