Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't deserve a penis
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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