Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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