he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
