Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
