he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
