I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
