I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
