nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
