Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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