yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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