I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
