stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
