the day after is always just damage control
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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