Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
this beer tastes like vomit already
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
