The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
