I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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