she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
