my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Everyone says I win the strip club
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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