Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
