If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
