Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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