Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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