these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
