let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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