i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
