when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
