Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
