It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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