I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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