Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
