I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
