last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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