coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
