I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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