I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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