Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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