The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
