I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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