You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
