Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
