Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
