good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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