phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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