Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
